
- No social outings or socialising during week nights.
- No touching or physical emotion. Of any kind.
- If you are about to cry, you may get an awkward pat. That’s it.
- Sit on your own chair. No bum heat sharing is permitted.
- Keep an eye on Saf belongings. The occasional key, wallet or phone can go astray.
- Expectations that this friendship will continue should be kept low, Aquarians are known to change their mind. (Constantly and without warning.)
- You could find yourself exxxxxed. With no warning. See point 6. (But you will probably deserve it)
- Public toilets must be close by at all times.
- Don’t throw out bread.
- No planning events in advance. Cause #aquarianlyfe.
- If you do something embarrassing, chances are – Sarah is the only witness. And has recorded it. Prepare for the evidence to show itself down the track, in front of a group. When you least expect it.
- You will get hexed. And it will be karma. (You probably deserved this too) Don’t underestimate the SafHex.
- Movies = Gold Class. Don’t even try for pleb seats.
- No hot vegetables in sandwiches.
- Small handbags.
- Loyal. Will bash anyone that crosses you. Verbally or otherwise.
- Has been known to aggressively speak her mind when heated, or when witnessing an injustice. She is like a female superhero. Which brings me to point 18.
- World’s smallest superhero. #personaljoke
- No surprises are allowed. Don’t even think about a surprise party, unless you want your throat punched. Which brings me to point 20.
- Throat, tit or vagina punches are a possibility, or an everyday threat.
- Without realising it, you are becoming more thick skinned because of Sarah. It’s going to make you a better person, and you will never have a dull moment. Pretty good deal hey?
Authors note: this started as the seven rules of Saf, but once I started writing, the content just FLOWED.