1. No social outings or socialising during week nights.
2. No touching or physical emotion. Of any kind.
3. If you are about to cry, you may get an awkward pat. That’s it.
4. Sit on your own chair. No bum heat sharing is permitted.
5. Keep an eye on Saf belongings. The occasional key, wallet or phone can go astray.
6. Expectations that this friendship will continue should be kept low, Aquarians are known to change their mind. (Constantly and without warning.)
7. You could find yourself exxxxxed. With no warning. See point 6. (But you will probably deserve it)
8. Public toilets must be close by at all times.
9. Don’t throw out bread.
10. No planning events in advance. Cause #aquarianlyfe.
11. If you do something embarrassing, chances are – Sarah is the only witness. And has recorded it. Prepare for the evidence to show itself down the track, in front of a group. When you least expect it.
12. You will get hexed. And it will be karma. (You probably deserved this too) Don’t underestimate the SafHex.
13. Movies = Gold Class. Don’t even try for pleb seats.
14. No hot vegetables in sandwiches.
15. Small handbags.
16. Loyal. Will bash anyone that crosses you. Verbally or otherwise.
17. Has been known to aggressively speak her mind when heated, or when witnessing an injustice. She is like a female superhero. Which brings me to point 18.
18. World’s smallest superhero. #personaljoke
19. No surprises are allowed. Don’t even think about a surprise party, unless you want your throat punched. Which brings me to point 20.
20. Throat, tit or vagina punches are a possibility, or an everyday threat.
21. Without realising it, you are becoming more thick skinned because of Sarah. It’s going to make you a better person, and you will never have a dull moment. Pretty good deal hey?

Authors note: this started as the seven rules of Saf, but once I started writing, the content just FLOWED.